Former Transgender, Radically Set Free in Jesus!
I am a former transgender, having lived it for almost 9 years. I underwent years of cross-sex hormone therapy, 2 major “gender-affirming” surgeries, and all of the legal changes. Here is my story:
I would describe myself as a disciple of Christ; but it wasn’t always that way… I spent nearly twenty years of abject, intentional rebellion against God, nearly 9 years of which I lived as transgender. I hated God, I hated my family, and I hated the person I was. It wouldn’t be true, though, to say I hated myself: I loved myself probably to the point of narcissism. I worshiped at the altar of self. The problem was I hated who God had created me to be. Instead, I loved the version of myself that I had created.
Satan lies to children…
The transgender thoughts and feelings started early in childhood from a misunderstood relationship with my mom. I believed she loved boys more than girls because of how differently she treated my brother and I. I did not have the language for it then; I had never heard the word transgender. I simply knew I wanted to be a boy like my brother.
She was extremely religious and exhausted herself trying to be the perfect Christian. But in the mean time was agitated and irritable. She often didn’t want me around because I was hyper and likely on the obnoxious side.
To reinforce the sting, I learned my mom had miscarried two boys before me. I excitedly said one day “Hey, if my brothers had lived we would have five kids”. My excitement was met with a devastating blow: “No, we only wanted to have three kids. You likely wouldn’t be here if either of them had lived.” I know this was meant to tell me how much God must have wanted me to be here. But I felt guilty. My brothers had to die for me to be born… I became even more confused when I was molested at the age of eight and became very sexualized.
Trying to find love in all the wrong ways…
I spent the next 25 years trying to get fulfillment and love through sex. In high school men objectified me (and women in general) more and more. I began to believe it was a disgusting, filthy, worthless thing to be a female. I decided that I was supposed to have been a man and began the journey of becoming a transgender “man” named “Jake”.
But after years of hormone therapies, a double mastectomy/chest reconstruction, the removal of all female organs, and all of the legal name and gender status changes, I was empty and broken. I was devastated to realize that none of the changes I was making had actually made me a man. I knew they never would. All I had done was change the outside. So then I felt trapped in a world between male and female. I truly believed I was not a woman, but I knew I could never be a man, no matter how badly I wanted it.
Instead, I lived in a world of lies, suspended in limbo between reality and fantasy. I wanted to erase the existence of Laura. Even after realizing I could not be a man, I decided to hide and pretend and be the “best man I could be” rather than embracing myself as a woman. I had often described myself before “coming out” as having been wearing a mask of a female identity. The truth is, it was my transgender identity that was the mask.
The transgender illusion began to crumble
What had promised to be freedom had in fact become my prison cell. I soon became enslaved to the need for affirmation. I was wearing clothes that never fit right, injecting myself over and over with needles (hormones, not recreational drugs), and wearing prosthetics that were a constant reminder of how fake it all was. As the years went by God gently drew me back towards Him. He never let me forget who I was, no matter how hard I tried to forget. My mom refused to call me Jake. At the time this made me angry. Yet, her stubborn insistence on calling me Laura was a tether to reality for me. It became a lifeline.
My relationship with my parents had been almost non-existent for years aside from the occasional phone call or dinner meeting. But God was working on me and answering their prayers. My mom asked me one day to make a website for her Bible study that she was teaching. I agreed, though I had no interest in Bible study. She agreed to pay me for it and I needed both the money and the experience. Little did I know God would crumble my walls of prideful defense that had kept Him on the outside for so long. I decided to summarize the lessons for the website. As I read the words in the lessons the ice that encased my heart began to melt. For the first time in my life I began to see God’s love and faithfulness in His Word.
God began to gently draw me
Over the next few months I began to call my mom every day after work. She patiently answered my questions about the Bible. One day I said “Mom, how did I get here? Six months ago I was 180 degrees from where I am now. All I want is to learn more about the Bible.” She said, “I have been praying that God would draw you back like a magnet.” And that’s exactly what He had done! What’s more I realized that the angry, stressed-out, exhausted legalistic mother I grew up with, had been completely transformed, and her religion had been exchanged for real faith. She was now filled with the Holy Spirit rather than rules and fleshly attempts to please God.
And the moment I saw the complete regeneration in my mom, was the moment I knew that the gospel was true. Not just true intellectually, not just true historically, but that Jesus was indeed alive and that it was deeply and profoundly real. As a result, I whole-heartedly gave my life to Christ. But God wasn’t through with me.
I wanted so desperately to be a man of God. And I tried convincing myself that God had intended me to be a man. Maybe it was a birth defect or something like that. I could not face the fact that I was a woman. But through Dr. Everett Piper, a man I heard consistently on the radio over the following months saying “We are not just made up of our feelings, instincts and inclinations. But we are made in the image of God and we can choose our behavior, despite how we feel.” I didn’t want to admit he was right. But I knew it was true.
Wrestling with God
And as I began to wrestle with this and admit that my lifestlye was a choice, the Lord began to reveal the ugliness and the insanity of being “transgender”. He asked me one night: “If you stood before me tonight, what name would I call?” That question stopped me in my tracks. I had hoped so desperately that God accepted me as Jake. But then in the most loving voice I have ever heard, the Creator of the Universe whispered to me, “Let me tell you who you are.”
I was hit so hard with conviction and I was so desperate to get out of the transgender lifestyle, but I was afraid it was too late. I had lived in complete stealth as I called it: no one except family and my partner knew I was transgender. I didn’t know how to fix it.
So over the next month I cried out to God with all my heart, begging Him to take my life. Due to the conviction, I suddenly felt a break in the fellowship with God. Though I know He never left me, the peace and comfort was gone. I felt like I had fallen into a deep, dark pit from which I could not escape.
Finally desperate enough
But when I was finally desperate enough that I was willing to do absolutely anything to be free, I had a clear vision of Jesus getting down on one knee, reaching into the pit with arm outstretch towards me and asked, “Do you trust me?” I knew He was asking me to leave everything and follow Him in faith. I said I did, and I walked away from everything I had known: my job, my partner of almost 9 years, my financial security, and my entire identity to follow Christ.
Over the next few days I cried uncontrollably. I felt completely dead. In fact, the first day, I went back to my apartment that afternoon. And after nearly a decade of being together, most of that in that apartment, my partner hugged me and I felt like i was in the arms of a stranger. And that night as we watched a movie in our living room, I felt like I was in a hotel room. I asked God what was going on and He said “I have cut the cord on your old life and you are not going back.” As hard as that was to face, there was comfort knowing God was in control. It was still my decision, but I knew I would never have peace if I stayed.
So, the next day I returned to my parents house where I had agreed to live for the next few months while I transitioned back. But after three days I went with my mom to her Bible study. When I walked into the room I was met with more joy, hugs, and overwhelming love than I have ever known in my life from women I did not know. Those women had prayed for me for years and were so happy to see me come home. I was so overwhelmed with the love I received from women, affirming me and loving me as a woman, that my heart was completely transformed and the belief that I was meant to be a man vanished.
Transgender No More: Reclaiming My Identity in Who God Created
And the very next day we went shopping and I embraced buying feminine clothing. But there would still be a path to wholeness, to truly love being a woman.
That was about three and a half years ago, and in that time God has peeled away the layers of the proverbial onion. He has helped me understand the causes and has healed me and brought forgiveness and wholeness to my heart. He has revealed His heart for women and how wonderful His creation of the woman is and how beautiful it is.
For the first time in my life, I not only love being a woman, but can truly see what a girl I was all along. Memories of my “girliness” have flooded back and i can see this is who I was all along. In fact, people are often shocked now at how feminine I have become, and it is no act. I have simply allowed God to peel off the false masculine that I had covered myself in.
God has continued to transform my life in ways I had never dreamed possible. In 2021 God brought an amazing man into my life named Perry. I had never believed I would get married, not only because I had lived as transgender and maimed my body, but also because I had never been wanted as a wife. I had always felt like I was not good enough for a man to marry. When God put it on my heart that He had a husband for me, I found it hard to believe. But God has brought a man beyond my wildest dreams and we were married in May of 2022. I have never felt so loved, cherished, and treasured in all my life. It is so worth waiting on God and doing it His way! His design for marriage, though we know there will be many challenges and trials ahead, is good.
As He says in Psalm 139:14-16 “14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.”
If you would like to know more about how to know Jesus Christ and trust Him to save you from your sin: click here.
Video Links
See my mom and I share our testimonies together: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G1gcgX50SM&t=162s
See a short CBN version of my testimony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucdLlJi8j50&t=23s
See a video I made called “Can You Be Transgender and Christian?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWXn9oTZ6dQ
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Thank you for that testimony, Laura. God has called you to a very important and difficult ministry and, as I’m sure you are aware, the eyes of the world will not receive you or your message kindly. Never mind the critics, you have a unique testimony for the world at this time and I pray for you to receive the strength that you will need and the boldness (yet meekness) that you must maintain. Thank you for the courage and commitment you have shown through your testimony and I pray that God blesses you with the peace that passeth all understanding and that He uses you mightily for the glory of His Kingdom and for the furtherance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Love in Christ, Jim
This…is sad. I hope you realize how much harm you are causing to youth that are legitimately transgender. Just because this is your story doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else. Please find another way to spend your time. All you’re doing is giving transphobic parents false hope and encouraging dangerous practices such as conversion therapy.
I am sorry you feel that way. I know first hand that transgenderism isn’t real. It’s a dissociative disorder. No one is truly transgender. These youth are mutilating their bodies permanently for something that will never bring true happiness or freedom. It is not biologically possible to transition. This is a known medical fact and is the reason that years ago Dr. Paul McHugh had the gender reassignment surgeries at Johns Hopkins (where it was really pioneered in the U.S.) shut down. I know many who have come out of transgenderism. There is hope and freedom from that lifestyle. The power that raised Jesus from the dead can overcome any pain or any desires we may have.
So why is it that they are performing gender surgeries at Johns Hopkins now? Why are they performed at the leading medical institutions in this country? Why is it that transgender communities report vastly improved mental health outcomes when they are provided with the medical treatment for gender dysphoria?
You were likely never legitimately transgender. You were just sad, disturbed and looking for meaning wherever you might find it…and right now it is in Jesus, in your past it was trying to connect through a community you weren’t actually a part of.
But, truly, why does it matter to you what other people do? If you have found happiness or freedom in Jesus…great, good for you. I’m not trying to stop you from loving Jesus. So why are you trying to influence what other people need to find peace in their life? I am not hurting anyone, so why would you try to put fuel on the fire of parents dealing with a transgender child and best navigating how to love that child dealing with the struggle of being trans (the inevitable people that end up on your site).
For the parents that find themselves here–trust, love, and know your child. Your child knows themself best. I am 29, I transitioned 7 years ago and I only wish my parents had listened to me when I was young and insisting to them I was a boy. Transitioning has given me the freedom and happiness that I didn’t think I would ever have in this lifetime. I am able to love and learn and take part in life now in a way that I never could before because I was so deeply, deeply sad and anxious knowing that I was a man in my head but not knowing how I could ever become that. My family talks about how they feel like they can actually get to know me now, whereas before I was just a shadow of the person I truly am. I am fully stealth (not out about being trans) in my day to day life, I just get to be the man that I knew was deep inside of me. My only regret is not transitioning sooner, if I had known that this kind of full and robust life was waiting on the other side I would have mustered up the courage to come out and transition sooner. I was so terrified of my families rejection that I waited for years and years until I couldn’t take it anymore and had to tell them.
And, yes, I have had surgery and I function as a man in every way except I cannot have biological children. Medically transitioning has brought me alignment with my mind and interaction with society in a way that I needed. I get that not all trans people do, that is fine. Surgery of any kind is no walk in the park for anyone so I certainly think that if you don’t require it don’t get it but I did.
At one time I was very much where you are at now. I did not understand any reasoning for my desire to transition. I was absolutely 100% convinced I was supposed to be a man. I believed, in fact, I truly was a man trapped in a woman’s body. You said I wasn’t legitimately transgender: you’re right, because it isn’t real. No one is transgender. You can alter your outward appearance, but you cannot change your biology. That was what was devastating about surgery. I liked the results, they brought me some happiness, but I realized it wasn’t real. You are not a man, you simply appear to be one.
Did you know that for a while the surgeries at Johns Hopkins had been stopped? Dr. Paul McHugh, the former chief of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Hospital, helped end the transgender surgeries at the hospital because he realized they weren’t helping anyone. “After studying the evidence (they had followed up with many post-op transgenders and re-evaluated them psychologically), McHugh decided that sex change surgery was bad medicine and was ‘fundamentally cooperating with mental illness.’ Psychiatrists, he thought, could better help patients with gender dysphoria by ‘trying to fix their minds and their genitalia.’ (When Harry Became Sally, Ryan Anderson). Later, this decision was reversed, not because of medical evidence, but because of political pressure.
But let’s say it has brought you some peace. I didn’t find Jesus to get peace. He brought me peace. But i realized that I was damned to hell without Him. I was a sinner in need of a Savior, we all are. ““There is none righteous, not even one; 11 There is none who understands, There is none who seeks for God; 12 All have turned aside, together they have become useless; There is none who does good, There is not even one.”” (Romans 3:10-12).
Jesus further asked a question, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). So you might feel at peace with how you are living, but ultimately God is your judge, not me. I am merely trying to warn you.
One night as I thought about standing before Jesus He asked me, “If you stood before me tonight, what name would I call?” I was shocked by this question. I had never considered it. He reminded me of John chapter 1 where it says Jesus Christ Himself is the Creator. He said, “You cannot claim to love me, and yet reject my creation.” But in the most loving voice I have ever heard, He said, “Let me tell you who you are.” He created you, only He can define you. You cannot become something you’re not. You can fake it really good for a while. But eventually, you will find it is just as empty as all of the other pursuits of this world. You might be happy now, but unless you repent you will suffer eternally. what good will transition be then? When I left that lifestyle I didn’t have any desire to be a girl. It was so painful to face. But I knew I wanted eternal life with Jesus. I accepted a few years on this earth of what I thought would be nothing but pain and dysphoria for an eternal hope.
We all have a desire to be something we’re not. We all have a desperate need to be transformed. That’s because we’re dead spiritually. Jesus said that no one can enter the Kingdom of Heaven unless he is born again (John 3). It is that transformation through the resurrecting power of the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who rose from the dead to conquer sin that you need.
You encourage parents to just trust their child because their child knows best. No child knows best. We all have to be taught. We have to be trained. Our hearts deceive us all the time. Our emotions lie to us. As for why it matters to me, I will spend every dying breath I can proclaiming freedom in Christ because He is the only way. Whether you love transition or not is irrelevant. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.” (John 14:6).
You asked why am I trying to influence what other people need to find peace in their life. Because I don’t want them to make the mistakes that I did. Read Trans Life Survivors or the many other stories of sex change regret. You may not have experienced it yet, but i have known far too many to be convinced you won’t one day realize it isn’t real. You said, you are not hurting anyone by doing this, and yet you are, and deeply so. God created male and female distinctly different so that He could display for the world His image in two separate beings. We show the complete picture by coming together as male and female and become one flesh through a consummated marriage. But Satan would have you believe that you can be both within yourself and that you don’t need to do it God’s way. That is why trans people were called two-spirited in ancient days. By altering our created being, we are marring the image of God.
You are so ugly and hideous inside and out – both as a man and a woman. Jesus would hate you and the spiteful judgment you bring to your life. Stop trying to change people. Live you life and let others do the say. You are not doing the work of the gospel, you are living in opposition to gods love and his plan for others.
Thank you Laura for you kind, humble words of truth. We are reminded that we are in a spiritual battle. It’s interesting to read those who are against you. Thank you for sharing the love of Jesus. There is freedom in Christ alone!
Jack, to call someone “ugly and hideous” is really an ugly and hideous comment to make, especially about someone who really, and obviously, cares for people. You comment speaks more about you than anyone it’s directed to.
Very well said and straight from a truly caring heart.
God bless your ministry and everyone whom comes across this website either by choice or stumble.
All Glory and honor to God sweet blessed, sister in the Lord!
And you get your facts from what the world tells you instead of the truth of God’s word.
The world tells a lie.. Christ’s word redeems.
This young lady is telling truth.
My Dad was homosexual but Christ redeemed him as a young 20 year old man went on to marry and raise three sons.
Stop believing the world and turn to Jesus.
He will set you free of sin and lies…
praise God! I am so thankful for what Jesus did in your Dad’s life. And I am so thankful you are here to tell the story!! More people need to hear your story too. God bless you!!
Laura isn’t doing this Anomyous, Jesus is! Laura knows the truth now. If you want to stop Jesus, (which I think is not a good idea) then go ahead, No one who really knows Jesus and wants to be His will ever consider Transgenderism.
She is telling her story. Why attack her? You are nothing but a hater. Being a balanced person means listening to things you might not want to hear or agree with.. Come to think of it , it’s also what being intelligent is about. She is doing a good thing, telling her story. . What you should have gotten out of the story is that it is a cautionary tale. But of course you get offended, and go on the attack. Just like a toddler bully on the playground…..
You have no idea the pain this is causing parents that have to see their kids struggle with this lie of thinking they should be a different gender. I applaud people like Laura speaking truth!
Anonymous; the FALSE HOPE is your rejection of the power and blood of JESUS CHRIST, Lord and SAVIOR who cleanses the very sin that entraps us as humans. I don’t know your name, but GOD does and I’ll pray for you right now and invite Kingdom family to join me in praying for this individual who will be set free in the TRUTH and LOVE in JESUS!! Satan is the real deciever – The Liar who convinces people of their False/Broken identity. We are made in the image of GOD and nothing man made can ever do on the outer layers, bring any fulfillment, and the real heartache is thinking we can “choose” what we think is best, when the Creator of the Heavens and Earth has a divine and beautiful calling on all our lives and you will only find the Peace, the everlasting Joy and Love is only found in JESUS. Seek Him and you will find Him!
You’re a world changer Laura. I applaud the work God is doing in and through you!
Thank you!
Please keep speaking the truth about freedom in Jesus Christ!!
Keep fighting the good fight Laura. Truth will come to all eventually. It takes time for some like it did you. I am sad when people tell you who you are and who you are not. Why don’t they believe you when you say you really felt as though you were trans them came to truth. There is no such thing as trans. I learned something new today. Dissociative Disorder… I think that is happening to my son. He has other mental issues so this all makes sense. It is impossible and there is no proof like you said. I guess it’s why they say the truth hurts. God bless you and praying for you!
I truly believe God blessed me with your testimony. My husband and I are the parents of a homosexual man. He plans to have a “wedding” this coming Halloween. I am Christian, my husband doesn’t attend Church, but I know he believes in God. I’m writing to you to please pray for our son to come to Jesus as you have been blessed.
I am so thankful the Lord used my testimony to be a blessing.I would encourage you to read this as well: https://transgendertotransformed.com/a-letter-to-parents-of-transgenders-from-a-former-transgender/. I will be praying for your son. I pray that he will see the truth and come to Jesus. I will also pray for you and your husband that the Lord will draw you much closer during this time. May the Lord bless you all.
Thank you for posting this. I can resonate to a lot of what you said. I have found it helpful in that God has used it to help me to notice some of the patterns of my sin that I didn’t notice before. Though, by God’s wondrous grace and mercy, I have repented of living like a guy for 5 years….All praise!!…I am still struggling with fighting off some of the feelings from when I did walk like a guy. God saved me at a revival at my church. God has provided ways where I can escape from temptation and sin, and to walk by faith, but I’m finding that I don’t have anyone (yet…need to pray and seek out) who understands what it’s like to be transgender and living a homosexual lifestyle, so I haven’t gotten much help from those who know on how to fight this sin. My main struggle is fighting the feelings of a guy (like feeling “manly” and “strong”) with trying to feel like a girl. I lived in it for so long, that it seems that I don’t know where to start acting like a girl (sort of). I know we don’t walk by our feelings, but by faith in knowing how God made us and His Word, but I can’t deny these feelings and sinful nature. If you’ve struggled with this, how did you fight off the feelings of feeling like a guy? I am so thankful to God for His unending grace and love! I am just struggling and need help from someone who might know (if you do). Blessings!
My husband’s son suffers from many diagnosed, mental illnesses and has for a lot of years. He also suffers from dysphoria. He thinks he is to be a woman. His mental illnesses almost caused him to murder me with his medicine. Years down the line, he says he can’t forgive himself for what he did to me, but then, later, I received the most hateful texts you could imagine. So did his Father. He found out that his own son had planned to kill him with a huge knife, his stepfather gave him, while on a fishing trip together. That was when he was 18. My husband had made a trip to Montana to bring him home since they had been estranged since he was 9 months old. At first, I was so happy to have a son I could dote on. I lost mine when I was 19. But everything changed so quickly, I didn’t recognize who he was anymore. Then I discovered he had stopped taking his meds. I kept telling him it was best for him to do so, but he refused and he never took them again.
I became fearful for my life as he would carry that hunting knife everywhere with him and scare my tenants with it. I was terrified of knives as I was raped by two men when I was 8 years old while one threatened to cut off my ear, if I didn’t take my panties off. I, finally, found the chance to get it and hide it from him. He went off on a rant and rage demanding to know where it was. I would not tell him. Finally, after he almost killed me and poisoned my daughter the same way, when he left, I gave it to someone he was staying with. I didn’t want any reminders of what hell he had put us through. Mind you, he had tried attacking me right before my husband and I were going to go on a vacation for our anniversary, and told him he couldn’t go with us. It didn’t work because a number of tenants kept ringing my doorbell and calling me. A dear friend kept trying to call me but I hadn’t answered. When I finally did, he said he knew something was up when I told him Jr. had put something in my coffee the night before. That same friend paid for a bus ticket so he could go back to his Mom, after everything was said and done, which I will explain later.
All through that day, whenever I came to, I was terrified Jr. would wake up and try to finish the job. When he did, he kept checking on me. (He told me, way down the line, that he just wanted to make sure I was ok and that he was worried about me. (My thoughts were he was afraid he would get caught if I died.) I could not get my head off the pillow! That was God saving my life plus all the calls and residents trying to get me to answer my door. When my husband got home, from work, that next night, he found me still in bed. He demanded to know what Jr. put into my coffee. He kept denying he had done anything. When we got back from the hospital, he told my husband he had a strange feeling from drinking what little was left in my coffee cup. He still was trying to say he hadn’t poisoned me.
Three days later, when the test results came back, it was discovered there was Resperdal in my blood. Come to find out, he admitted to putting 3 of his pills, he had ground up, into my coffee. He kept asking me if it was right, and until it tasted right, he wouldn’t stop bringing a cup to me-just the right amount of creamer, the right amount of sugar. I noticed it tasted a bit strange and had heard him banging on the counter top, but I drank it anyway just to keep him from being on my back all the time. He even took my cup and brought me a different one, even though I told him I already had one. I drank it to appease him because he wouldn’t let up. By the time my husband came home from work, I held onto the wall to get to him to tell him I didn’t feel right. I felt disconnected and super woozy. He knew something wasn’t right. It wasn’t like me to stay in bed that long, and he told Jr. so. But he still insisted he hadn’t done anything to cause me to be lethargic. What Jr. said his reason for giving it to me, later, was that he wanted me to know what it felt like to have to take his meds. He also told me that he just wanted me to get off his back about taking them. A doctor asked him did he realize, since I was so small, he could have killed me? He acted like it was no big deal. And whatever he said, really made my husband angry.
What I, mainly, heard that day was the fans that were left to blow on me because we had no air conditioning and it was, unbearably hot in our apt. For awhile, if I heard a fan blowing a certain way, a deep foreboding overcame me. God finally showed me it was because of the way my husband had put a loud one on the basement door to dry out our basement. Once I realized this, all of that faded away.
What started alot of Jr’s horrible behavior was when we refused to buy him women’s bras and undies. So it had started then. But we hadn’t heard of Transgender. He, finally, told us how one of the men in charge, of the boy’s home he lived in, was tying him to a chair and raping him. He was caught red handed by another attendant and fired. That is all we know. This was when he was 16 and not with us. He was sent to juvenile detention when he jumped out of a shower and attacked a female attendant. He spent two years in two different institutions. While in one of them, he started up a sexual relationship with a younger inmate. So they transferred him somewhere else. In that time, we had become close with him so when he was released from the state of Montana, he came to live with us.
After it was found what he had done to me, he spent time on a mental ward and insisted he was wearing diapers at home. We told the Dr. that wasn’t true, but they let him anyway, to my knowledge. When we went to court, two psychiatrists said he should be put in a mental hospital and one said he knew exactly what he was doing when he poisoned me and should be incarcerated. The judge, even with all this evidence, deemed him an adult and not guilty. He also told him that what happened in Montana, of my husband being made his guardian, did not apply here. He was released with no place to go. None of our friends would take him in and there weren’t any programs where he could stay and get help. So my husband decided he didn’t have the choice but to take him home with us again. This was with my loud protestations, sitting on the steps outside the courtroom. He just stood by, smugly smoking a cigarette with a sneer on his face. He knew he hadn’t gotten his way again. While he was in the hospital, my daughter had come to stay to help us heal and to be there while I took a well deserved vacation.
My daughter had the same illness I had after he gave her a drink. Then, one night, he went to get in my face and lifted a hand to me and she pushed him out the door. He tried slamming it on her hand. He sat on the apartment steps and then called the police. This time, he wasn’t going to get his way as the officer told him he was old enough to be on his own, and if we didn’t want him in our home, we didn’t have to let him in. He hung out for awhile longer then finally left. He was violent and out of touch with reality back then, when he was 18. Why would a therapist think he was normal when they told him to become a woman? It makes no sense. When I told him, years later, that his Father suffered a nervous breakdown and almost shot himself, he didn’t seem to think that is was any big deal. Seriously, the guy is a Narcissist, if I’ve ever seen one, and, believe me, I have-many times.
So, when three years ago, he started dressing as a woman, we were convinced he was suffering from something again. We had dealt with his thieving, getting kicked out of everywhere he lived, lying and all the way around being mean to me again and threatening others. But this was new. This was something his Father would not accept or give any credence to. I, even, shared with Jr. how I had the same desire to change to a man when I was younger. It didn’t even phase him.
On a separate not here, I thank God, I didn’t have a clue on how to or the finances to have reassignment surgery so I just dressed and acted like a guy. But I was still with a man. I am not sure what that would make me, but I just wanted men to stop treating me like I was an object for their pleasure. If I was with a guy, that was one thing, but men coming on to me or sexually assaulting me was completely another. And it all that started when I was a young girl clear into my adult life. It wasn’t until I got into God’s Word, that I felt right about who I was. But it still took awhile for me to accept and enjoy my femininity in being a woman.
So I kind of understood what Jr. was talking about. The last straw, with his Father, though, was when he had his testicles removed. He was planning on getting the rest of the surgery, but he never got the money to do so. He was taking hormones and had breasts and dressed like a woman, but he was bi or something. He had sexual relations with women and men before his surgery. It was all really very confusing.
One day, he came to us telling us he was leaving the state. He ended up in Colorado, living as a woman, with a different name and miserable. This is when the hateful texts started. One right after the other, he blamed me for becoming between him and his Father while the opposite was the truth.
While Jr. was still here, I, mostly, tried to get him to understand his son was suffering and needed his love and acceptance. But he would have none of it. About a year later, he texted us apologizing and telling us he had found God and had 4th. grade lung cancer, which turned out to be another lie. He ended up living in a truck with no job or means of support except his SS and SSDI We didn’t hear anything from him for almost two years.
An old friend, finally, found out what happened to him. He is sitting in jail, still in Colorado, without bond, for attacking a police officer while being arrested for other crimes. She sent us photos of the many times he has been arrested for numerous crimes, one of which was arson….again. He had been arrested for that when he was living in Montana the last time before moving in with us again. He really had us duped into thinking he had changed. Three days here, he started in again. Treating me like I didn’t know anything and trying to take over-complaining about everything, including his Father not spending hardly any time with him. Now, I have to say, it was true. He didn’t spend hardly any time with him because he saw how he wouldn’t work to pay his own way. Yes. He paid something for rent, but he kept using my computer and eating us out of home. He would go to porno sites then try to deny it. I let him use it as long as he kept out of them. I didn’t want viruses on it, and I knew a lot of them have it. He would charge porno movies to our services until we figured out how to stop that. He had a lot of sexual problems, not just wanting to change into being a woman.
I would like to know why a clinic would arrange for the state to pay for his hormone injections and his testicles to be removed and tell him he is a woman when, clearly, he has had mental problems for years. He is 31 now. All that has happened from this is for him to be more miserable than he ever was as a guy, even though he insisted he was happier than he had ever been. It was, totally, obvious to us, that he was suffering.
His father wants a relationship with him, but he will not let him ever live with us again due to his torturing me as well as stealing from us and demanding his own way no matter what, including stealing from us and bringing misery to everyone who trusts him.
I know this is long, but I want to point out, if changing from a man to a woman is so great and it is suppose to be mentally healthy to do so, why are there so many hurting so much and killing themselves or making their families miserable? Jr. made our lives miserable and insisted everyone treat him as a woman. He was and is mentally ill and had been diagnosed from his teens, including Schizophrenic tendencies. I blame the many institutions in his life. Even when he was 6 years old, he was wandering the streets of Butte, Montana. And whenever his mother took him to the welfare office, his social worker said he smelled of urine. His mother had him living in a car with six dogs. He was removed from her custody. I also blame the therapist at a clinic here. It’s called a family something or other. I believe they made things harder for him as his Father would not accept what he was doing. So everything went totally cattowampus after they put it in his head he was right and everyone else was wrong. Walt said it right when he said it is a mental illness. We saw it, in Jr. from the first time he told us he had been living as a woman and taking hormone injections. We thought he was a handful before? Au contraire, my friend, after he started transitioning, only his life mattered. We were no longer important to him if we couldn’t or wouldn’t accept him as a woman. It became unbearable for him to even visit. We tried, but he just pushed and pushed for us to call him a she. Like I said, he finally left to stay with his mother again only to have her kick him out again. And she is a Lesbian now. But she couldn’t accept his life changes, either. She always loved and appreciated her daughter, but not any of her sons. All, but her daughter, were raised by their father or someone else. I just realized that might be the real reason he wants to be a girl. He thought his mother, and others would accept and love him. I only hope he finds God and gets his life on track. It is what we pray for. We just want him to be happy and healthy.
In my opinion, the psychiatrists and clinics that are supporting and pushing for Transgenderism are nuts. I’ve seen what it can do to a person’s life to try to be something they are not, and for a time, I even lived it. I’ve had experiences with them when I was a teenager. They were totally off the beam. Like one who would lock his wife up every time he got her pregnant and talk to himself in the mirror. He was my so called Psychiatrist for awhile. Then I had one, who would tell us girls to keep our legs together while she would sit with her skirt hiked up and pushing her knees in and out while sitting in front of us. We could see her bloomers, for criminy sakes! We gals laughed about that one and said, and she says we’re nuts? I had another one, who thought I was pregnant just because I had a boyfriend. He scared the heck out of me with his huge hands. I was 16 at the time. He also wanted to give me shock treatments because I was depressed. Thank God a nurse cleared that up when she told him to take me off the ward where I was working with elderly, sickly and seriously, mentally ill patients. They had me feeding a woman, Mrs. Bledsoe, who was in a permanent fetal state and could only talk with her eyes. Shortly, after I was taken off that ward, I found out she had died.
What weirdos. Like Walt Heyer said, Wacko. Not him, they are. Now you tell me. How is this guy supposed to be well enough to be changed into a woman, which, by the way, the state here would not pay for it. The jail, in Colorado, are adding to his confusion as some times, they posted him as a male and now is posted as a female. Is it any wonder he is so confused about who or what he really is?
Claire, I am so sorry for everything you and your family have been through. I cannot even imagine. You are right though, it is often a mental disorder. Not in every case, but in many. It is certainly demonic. And you made a great point that once he embraced being a woman, only his life mattered. I see this many times with transgenders. They become obsessed with the identity and their every waking moment becomes about proving it to people. It really is Romans 1 playing out. However, it is God’s intent to lead him to brokenness and humility that he will repent and trust in Jesus and be set free of those demons. I know many who have been radically changed by Christ. He alone is able and worthy. I pray for Jr. that he will indeed humble himself and cry out to God. I pray for you and your family that you will find peace and healing through Jesus Christ as well.
Thank you Laura!!!!! God has given me a glimmer of hope through your story!!! I am a mother who is begging God to help my daughter. I loved what your mom said about letting Him do His work; perhaps I need to get out of God’s way and just love my daughter like Christ loves me. Please don’t get discouraged with the haters. That’s just Satan lashing out. May God use you greatly on this platform! It’s desperately needed!!!!
Wonderful Testimony Sweet Sister in Jesus-Yeshua Christ-Messiah Laura!! GOD BLESS You and KEEP You Safe in Jesus Name Amen!!
Love Always, YSIC \o/
Kristi Ann
Thank you Laura for sharing your story of hope in Christ. It’s like an oasis in the desert for me as a mom of a ‘transgender’ son. Your story of love & redemption through Jesus and the continued prayers of your family give me confidence to trust God for my son.
Just because you weren’t really a transgender, it doesn’t mean that the same goes for every other people that think they are trans. See… it looks like you never felt like a man to begin with. A trans doesn’t think “i want to be a man/woman” — except initially when they are still unsure — you see, i didn’t do surgery nor i’m taking hormones, but i am still a girl nevertheless, i don’t want to become a woman because i am already one. This is what truly a trans is. A trans may want to change sex, but that’s different from gender. I am always so happy when people treat me like a girl, and always so sad and suicidial when people treat me like a boy. Did this ever happened to you? And no, feeling angry because your mom still calls you Laura doesn’t count and i hope i don’t need to explain why. I feel like i want to suicide everytime someone treats me like a boy or even worse if they make fun of me or doesn’t respect me for being trans.
I hope people that come here will read me and understand that transgenderism does in fact esist, it’s real. REMEMBER THAT YOUR EXPERIENCE IS NOT THE ONLY IMPORTANT ONE. From your logic if you never saw a penguin than it must mean that penguins don’t exist.
I am so sorry that people have made fun of you. I would never do that. But to say that I was never trans begs definition. I never truly transitioned – that is true – because transition to the opposite sex is biologically impossible. I found that out the hard way. And yes, I was suicidal and sad when people treated me like a girl. But to say I never truly believed I was trans is a lie, if you read my story. I didn’t go through 9 years of hormones and 2 major surgeries because I was unsure. I was absolutely committed at all costs. In fact, I was so desperate for the genital reassignment surgery, even knowing the risk that I might lose all sexual feeling, I was so desperate I wished my parents would die so I could get the inheritance money. I was narcissistic and selfish and all I wanted was to transition. I wanted it more than anything in the whole world. Putting out the truth that transition is a lie is the most loving thing I can do for people. Transition will never bring happiness or peace because you were created by God. You didn’t create yourself. Only He can define you and tell you who you are. Turn to Jesus, let Him show you your true identity. This isn’t about my experience. This is about the God of all the universe and His plan for you. I pray that you will one day turn to Him.
Laura, you have my daughter’s story exactly. She had the breasts off, the testosterone injections, won’t talk to me and now she says that since I don’t back her 100%, she no long wants to be in my life. I told her I love her, but God is always #1 followed by family. She lives in Albuquerque, NM–I wish she could meet you and you could talk to her/him. She’s very bitter and hateful right now!!
I thank God for you and your journey. God has used you to shine his light and love into the darkness in this world . My heart is broken for those who believe a lie about themselves, I wish they could open their minds and hearts and love themselves again . God bless you , you are daily in my prayers .
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Thank you Laura for sharing your testimony. I can see that you get a lot of hateful remarks, which isn’t surprising I suppose. You are a beautiful testimony of the grace of God, and Satan hates that. I praise God for transforming your life, and your mother’s life too.
Thank you so much for your testimony! My daughter will be 33 next month. She has been transgender – & hasn’t talked to me – for the last seven years. She demanded that I accept her new lifestyle or she wouldn’t have anything to do with me. As a Christian, I couldn’t – for that would admit God made a mistake in creating her as a woman – & I know God doesn’t make mistakes. She’s in a relationship with a man who has transitioned into a woman. They were together before they transitioned. Your story gives me hope that God can heal & deliver her from this lie. Please pray for her – her name is Tiffany.
Thank you again & God bless!
Thank you for sharing your story. My daughter (who will be 33 on the 6th) transitioned to a “male” over 7 years ago. She has shunned me until I “accept” her transgender lifestyle. As a Christian, I can’t, for that would mean I believe God made a mistake when He created her female. Our God doesn’t make mistakes. She hasn’t talked to me in years. I’ve been praying for her every day. Your story gives me hope that even if I don’t see it, God is still drawing her to Himself & she will be delivered from the transgender lie. Please keep her in your prayers – her name is Tiffany. Thanks again for your testimony. God bless you!
You go girl!
People might say that finding your testimony last Sunday at the church of my former Pastor was a fluke. I know differently…It was God’s plan. My grandson last year shared that he was a girl and always thought he was from the time he was three years old. This last year he went to live with his dad and step mom who are both bi sexual and are encouraging him to identify. They have started him on hormones and at first his mom was very upset about it. She has now “accepted” it and thinks this is just a teenage rebellion thing. He is 13 —- going on 30…I had to honor of being able to live with him from age 3 until 12 and be an influence in sharing the Lord. I know his being here is God’s plan because my daughter was told she could never have children. I started praying for a grand child and one evening at dinner she and her boyfriend said she was pregnant and it was all my fault because I prayed him in. I accept that honor. As a grand mother I don’t know what I can do to make this better and get him back to the Lord. After he moved to his dad’s I would send him devotional cards (with money inside} until the last one I sent he tore up and took a picture of it and said please stop doing this. I have. Being a single mom I have always been a “fixer” and I so want to fix this. What can I do and how did your grandparents deal with your rebellion?
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God made people with a terrific amount of creativity, to be expressed in all sorts of ways. We can act, dress, and partake in the hobbies we choose. We don’t have to physically distort the shape of our bodies, or deny the physical sex into which we were born, to enjoy the open freedom to be creative with our lives. In other words, dress how you want, engage in whatever hobbies you want, You can express the wonderful, unique individual that you were born to be without man-made drugs and disfiguring surgeries. Be who are are, and be proud, and choose for yourself either to follow God’s Word or not. But whatever you do, feel free to be yourself. Embrace the body and the being into which you were born, and express your true self with all the creativity that you can muster.
Hi Laura… I just watched In His Image…. wow. What an amazing documentary. I myself am 1 year in to my Born again life with Christ, after leaving the homosexual life I used to live for nearly 14 years. But something you said in the documentary is sitting heavy with me now. Not a bad heavy but a convicting heavy.When Jesus said, Let me tell you who you actually are.. I was like whoa ok.. am I givibg Him all of me to let Him show me who I really am. …..Im actually answering what Jesus asked you.
DO I TRUST HIM? In my head I know I do but in my heart I dont know if I have fully surrendered myself to Him. I still have those days where I feel im not worthy. And I will admit I still dress like a guy always have even before I was gay. But it made me think am I still holding on to what was comfortable. Now prayer comes to the table and alot of scripture. Thankyou for your testimony.
What a wonderful story glorifying our great God!! Thank you for sharing it, Laura. I pray that God will keep you grounded in Him as I can see you clearly get a lot of criticism! be Strong in Him. Be victorious. Do you know what our name means? Wreathed one – victorious one (As in the Laurel Wreaths that Olympians used to wear). What a great reminder that is! That you are victorious in Christ.
Laura, I just finished listening to your story on Unshackle! Loved it! Powerful story. Praising the Lord in how He transformed your life with the Gospel. I’m considering buying your book
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Thank Laura it took great courage to write about your surending jorney. Stay strong in the Lord Jesus
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You my Dear Laura are the prime example of “Whats impossible with man is possible with God!!! The world had you thinking your free will was the right decision, BUT GODS grace made known to you the truth that set you free. May your ministering spirit help others who believed as you once did see Christs light shine through you to the saving of their sous. Go Bless You, and stay strong.
Julia
Laura, keep sharing your testimony, which glorifies the faithfulness of Jesus – the Lord of lords and King of kings! One day we all will leave time and transition into eternity where we’ll meet our Maker and be accountable to Him! May you continue to stand firm in the truth of Christ and put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6). May He continue to give you boldness, perseverance and strength. May He protect you, your heart and family. I rebuke all the lies and deceit that have tried to silence you. May Jesus pursue the hearts of those in opposition to your testimony. All praise and honor to Him who heals and redeems us! Blessings upon you.
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Your story Laura is a blessing to our generation filled with so much perversions. I’ve ever wondered how some one who went through transgenderism can be saved. This just reaffirms to me what the Bible says, “with God nothing is impossible”.
I listened to your story on “Compelled” and I believe it’s timely for me. Thank you so much for sharing and I pray many come to the light of the love of God through your testimony.